After 23 years spent wandering this earth and building relationships with some pretty beautiful individuals, I’ve discovered a really important aspect of myself – I become the absolute best version of myself when I’m pushed outside of my comfort zone. That’s not to say I was perfect or even close to perfect during my time in Guatemala, but I did things I wouldn’t have dreamt of and took chances & risks I would never have taken stateside. That’s the beauty of living abroad – everyday you wake up out of your comfort zone, with a whole set of problems & challenges that you would never have encountered if you hadn’t ventured into unknown territory. You become an independent thinker, innovative & adaptable. Personal growth hits you like you wouldn’t believe, and it’s a taste of freedom that once it ends, you feel like you’ve lost a little piece of yourself. That’s where I am today, trying to find challenges and opportunities that make me feel as alive as living abroad makes me feel. Something profound was shared during my weeklong stint in Nicaragua. At the end of the workweek I attended a reflection led by one of the staff members of the organization I worked with. He said that wherever you wake up Monday morning is just as important as how you spent your whole week here [in Nicaragua]. |
I knew that would be my biggest challenge moving back home for a month. I’d be back to the seemingly mundane, without any language barriers to tackle or construction projects to help with. It’s easy to slip into routine and forget about what it means to live an extraordinary life. Sometimes I forget that you don’t have to visit breathtaking places daily or conquer crazy hikes to lead a fulfilling life. But you do have to put in the effort to see the beauty surrounding you, and encourage others to do the same. So I’m not climbing any volcanoes today, but I did have lunch with my grandpa. It seems ordinary, and that’s because it is. We don’t have to make huge waves every day, yet we should challenge ourselves to find beauty and meaning even in the simplest moments. If you spend your whole life waiting until you have enough money to take that big trip or go on that adventure you’ve been daydreaming about, you’ll close your eyes and your heart to the simplest pleasures around you. We have to stop living our lives in hope of what the future may or may not bring, and start living in the present. Someone once said, when you look around, this life is pretty amazing. That’s exactly the point. We need to open our eyes to what is right before us, and if we don’t like what we see or where we’re at, maybe it’s time to make some changes. So whether you’re chasing sunsets with a friend, exploring natural wonders, or seeking out a new coffee shop, remember your day-to-day is only going to be as extraordinary as you make it.
8 Comments
Sharing is one of the most basic social skills we're taught even before we can talk. We start with our baby toys - fighting over the blocks that our younger siblings are trying to put in their mouths while we're trying to build a tower. We share snacks at sleepovers with our friends (this one's important because sharing food is arguably the hardest thing). As we get older, we start sharing things that maybe shouldn't be shared - gossip, mono, etc. It's a learned activity and some people are better at it than others, and some people are so great at it that we label them as over-sharers. I would like to think I fall in the middle of the sharing road. What would be considered too much sharing in the United States is common curtesy in Central America. You must know who is doing what, when, where, and why at all times and if you don't already know, you need to ask your neighbor because they definitely know. It's engrained in their culture to share. For example, they grow up in a house with at least two, if not three generations living in it. After marriage, the groom and his bride usually move back in with his family, where they soon have kids, and the tradition gradually repeats itself. Everything within the house is fair game, meals are shared, and children are cared for as a collective group regardless of who's who's mother (often siblings act as second and third mothers). This constant sharing doesn't stop with family though, it spills over to neighbors and even strangers, and is perhaps the reason Latin American culture is so warm and hospitable. There was not a day in San Lucas where I was not touched by the generosity of the people, and my first night was no exception. After a tough goodbye with my host family and a 3 hour drive from Xela, I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. I was not in the mood to meet new people, and I would have gone to bed right then and there if it had been up to me, but Heather said we should go say hi to the neighbors, so off we went. We knocked on a makeshift gate, which was answered by an 8 year old, who led us into a small one bedroom house. It was obvious that they were a very poor family. They had two beds separated by a curtain, one lit candle, dirt floors, and at least 15 people living there. Within a minute and a half of introductions, I had been offered a plastic stool and handed an 8 day old infant. I was a complete stranger who didn't even speak Spanish well, yet they handed me the newest member of their family without hesitation. That's the rule #1 in sharing that I learned - share your loved ones. Learning the final rule of sharing was a whole year process. I was touched by it daily, but it didn't occur to me until I was saying my goodbyes. Leaving San Lucas was hard, but hearing each persons heartfelt goodbye was the most beautiful and difficult thing I've experienced. Guatemalans are all about the present. They don't plan for the years ahead and they don't typically ruminate on past events. They live their lives in the moment, and therefore each goodbye was so sincere, telling me with painful honestly how thankful they are for my friendship and how they'll be waiting with arms open for when I return. They are masters of sharing their thoughts, emotions, and love. That's lesson #3 - share your heart. The next lesson in sharing I received came from my construction friends. We were on a job down in Santa Teresita putting a new roof on a school. I went along for the company but they of course found me some work (using me for my height when they were too short). By the time lunch rolled around, I was sitting up against the wall with my trailmix in hand and a PB&J in my purse, while the guys arranged a little table and put some buckets around it for seating. I was planning on staying where I was because I could still be in the conversation, and also because I wasn't sure if there would be enough seats. As I pulled out my sandwich, Abraham looked at me and said, "You have to eat with us, come sit. We do this every time we are out on a site for lunch." When I stood up, it was obvious that I was attending their potluck picnic tradition. I felt like I was getting a little peek into their every day work life, a side of the Mission that volunteers don't often get a chance to experience. Each of the guys had packed a small tupperware container filled with enough food to share with each other. I was excited that I got to partake in this little family-like gathering, but again, I was just planning on eating my own food because I didn't have much to share. But Abraham passed me a tortilla and with a little encouraging, before I knew it, I had tried a little bit of what everyone had brought. I shared my trailmix because it was all I had to offer. Rule #2 - share your life (& your food, always your food). Sharing. It's a concept I thought I knew pretty well, but like so much else, Guatemala changed my way of thinking on it. Sharing physical things of course is important, but the Guatemalan people taught me there is so much more to be shared in this world than just tangible objects. It's the intangible things that are the most important so we should share em while we've got em. share your loved ones | share your life | share your heart
11 months ago I started Spanish immersion school. I stumbled through introducing myself in spanglish and proceeded to nervously stare at my teacher for the first week. 11 months later, today, I’m sitting on a train heading from Chicago to St. Louis, missing the daily challenge of using my second language. It’s shocking how fast things go. My dad told me before I left, “Before you know it, you’ll be home,” how right he was. There are so many emotions that go along with readjusting to stateside living. My heart has been broken, mended, transformed, and stretched in more ways than I thought to be possible. I spent my last month in Guatemala and the past week in Nicaragua trying to be truly present to each experience and live in the moment to the best of my abilities. As a result, I have a couple different blog post themes written down in my phone but haven’t had the time to expand on them yet. Therefore, these next few days and weeks as I have time to reflect and decompress, I’ll hopefully be able to compose some some new posts to finish up my Guatemala blog. For now though, I’ll begin my closing posts with this: the biggest challenge of moving back to the United States isn’t going to be simply put. There are so many things I’ll miss, and obviously many things I’m excited to have back in my life such as the many people I’ve missed during this past year. However, perhaps the biggest challenge is going to be incorporating things I learned in San Lucas without being an extremist. It’s easy to be disgusted by the consumerism that is so clearly present here in the United States yet I need to remind myself that I've been exposed to poverty that a majority of the consumerist population has not seen. My perspective has been widened and so has my compassion. Therefore, I’m challenging myself to find a balance and recreate my life here so that I can maintain my Guatemalan way of life without ostracizing the way of life here in the States. My goal is to be a person of 150% - 75% Guatemalan and 75% American of the USA (because people from Central America/South America are also Americans). It’s a concept that involves not committing myself completely to one culture nor excluding the other. After all, there’s a reason humans are so complex, so why not make it a little more complicated? Because a pictures says 1,000 words, here are a few thousand words about my past month:
Well friends, that's all I've got for you at this moment. I'll send out a few last blog posts and reflections as I write them. Until then, take care & peace.
My freshman year at Rockhurst I found myself in an advanced composition class without a clue as to how I got there or what it would entail. While my classmates spun out long winded, beautifully crafted essays, I spent several nights with my papers cut up on the floor, visually rearranging paragraphs until I was satisfied. At that point in time, I would've said that writing is probably not my medium. However, over time I'm finding myself writing more and loving it. Verbalizing, on the other hand, has definitely never been my strong suit. Yeah of course I can have powerful and meaningful conversations with people, but that doesn't mean it's super easy or never messy. For example, clearly explaining an opinion? Challenging. Telling someone about a travel experience? Nearly impossible. Directions? Forget about it. For this reason, I’m fairly quiet around people I’m not familiar with, and I prefer to listen rather than talk myself in circles. Writing at least allows me to give words to my scattered thoughts. I’ve arrived at my one-month mark here in San Lucas. Thirty days left in this beautiful place with the people who have shared their lives with me as family, shown me more patience than one person should ever deserve, and allowed me to become a more vibrant version of myself. This experience, my 11 months here in Guatemala are indescribable. I’ll never be able to explain it and that’s the scariest part about knowing my departure date – there is not a doubt in my mind that when I get home, my words will once again fail me. This is the very reason that I am so grateful that some of the closest people in my life have been able to know San Lucas. Jackie, Claire, my parents – they all took the leap of faith to board a plane to visit a country they didn’t know much about other than what I had told them. Their trips here may have been brief, but I’m so happy they each received a glimpse of my life here and hopefully experienced a little bit of the love that has made this place my home for the past 9 months. They may not know or understand my attachment to San Lucas fully, but they at least had a little taste of what this journey has been like. My biggest fear of leaving is the adjustment I’ll have to make, the new balance I’ll have to find. A balance that involves continuing to keep up with my friends here without dwelling on the memories and making myself homesick for an experience I cannot return to. I will absolutely be back to San Lucas, but I won’t be coming back as a long-term volunteer. Going home closes this chapter of my life but my perspective has been transformed and my heart has been stretched in all different directions. People always ask me if I’m happy that I took a gap year. There are few things that I am more certain about than when I reply with a definitive yes. I'm a different person than I was when I arrived in Guatemala as a non-spanish speaking, easy-going but quiet gringa. I feel empowered and independent. I've learned to love in different ways, messed up more Spanish sentences than I thought possible, and have gained confidence in my ability to carve a life and home for myself anywhere I go. Leaving here will be so hard but the prospect of a new adventure and the excitement that comes with beginning a new chapter in my life are keeping me grounded and thankful. That being said, I'm delighted to announce that I’ll be taking my experiences and my grateful heart to Portland, Maine this August to pursue my Master's in Social Work at University of New England. I am incredibly lucky to have so much love and support in my life and I look forward to spreading this love and support to everyone I meet in my career as a social worker. Knowing that one adventure is ending is made a little easier with the knowledge of the adventure yet to come. Wish me luck and if you're ever looking for some good seafood/a beautiful bike ride, come pay me a visit in Maine! Here’s to transformative experiences – may they leave us with grateful hearts & a better understanding of our purpose here in this beautiful world.
Time seems to be fast-forwarding itself these days. My friends here are already making comments about how I'm going to leave them all sad in July. They're always asking how much time I have left, all of us secretly hoping that time would somehow slow down or rewind itself and make it less painful to think about my limited time left here. But reality always gets me and my only real option is to be truly present with the people here, to live each day fully as it comes. Lucky for me, I recently met some people who reminded me how to do just that. My first day of school I had read on the calendar that there was a hike up Tajumulco scheduled for that weekend. I really wanted to go but that seemed like very little time to prepare myself mentally (and physically since I'd have to buy myself another pair of pants) for an overnight hike. I decided I would just wait and hope they would schedule to hike it again within the next two weeks. Much to my disappointment, a week passed and the hike was never scheduled again. I was so bummed. Tajumulco is the highest point in central America and I had heard really great things about the hike. I toyed with the idea of finding a hiking company to go with but that would involve research and quite a bit of motivation. People who know know me well, know that I have a major lazy side. I'm a really hard worker once I get going but I'd much rather go with the flow than have to make my own elaborate set of plans. Just when I thought my laziness was going to get the best of me, I met a few people who had climbed Tj with a hiking company that they loved..BOOM done. I had found my hiking company - Quetzaltrekkers. Alright so a little plug-in for this awesome organization. Quetzaltrekkers is based out of Xela, Guatemala, right by where my host family lives actually. It's a completely volunteer run non-profit and literally all of the money that clients pay goes to helping the Guatemalan people - whether it be through eating at local restaurants before hikes, staying in a host house for a night, or money given directly to their two projects Hogar Abierto and Escuela de la Calle. Between these two programs, Quetzaltrekkers is helping to provide schooling and housing to over 200 children at a time. The guides are a great and the hikes are incredible. Hiking volcanoes & helping kids, it doesn't get much cooler than that. They're looking for volunteers who can commit to at least 3 months as guides for the hikes and they're of course also always open to donations so if you have any interest, you should absolutely look them up.
In the "morning" we woke up at 3:30 to make the 50min hike up the summit of Tj to watch the sunrise. With nothing but my sleep mat and sleeping bag in my pack, the hike wasn't too bad other than the howling wind and my finicky flashlight. I can't accurately describe how beautiful the view from the top of Tajumulco is, nor do my pictures do it justice, so you'll just have to hike it for yourself. I'll just leave you with the preface of: we saw layers of stars I didn't know existed, a lightening storm in the distance, and shades of colors in the sunrise that brought tears to my eyes. The hike down was also incredibly beautiful. What had been very cloudy the day before was completely clear, allowing us to see volcanoes in the distance as well as miles and miles of mountains. I once again rolled my ankle while we were about an hour and a half away from our lunch spot. Have no fear though because one of my friends Ben carried my pack for a bit to lighten my load and my ankle is feeling much better currently. However, while we're all thinking about it, if any of you reading this know any good ankle strengthening exercises, can you send them my way? As much as I love having a really swollen bruised ankle, I think it'd be a good idea for me to work on preventing this from happening again.
All of San Lucas began prepping at least a week before Semana Santa even started. This includes making arrangements to build floats, crafting arcs that stand over the streets, and planning carpet designs. Then during Semana Santa itself, there is at least one procession (sometimes more) every day. This includes 20 people carrying each float with a statue on top of it, walking in the slowest manner possible, often times stopping to bow to other floats holding another statue. As though this were not enough, they had huge carpets they made using colored sawdust, flowers, and fruit laid on the ground right below huge handmade arcs that lined the streets of the procession. I have never seen such time and dedication to any holiday in my life. These people have very little money, nor do they have much free time, but they celebrate without hesitation for the entire week leading up to Easter. It's beautiful & really really inspiring. It made me question why we don't dedicate this much time to our beliefs, holidays, and families. Being here for this incredible time of year has me excited to bring this passion back to the States. We should celebrate holidays not for the commercial aspect of them, but for the quality time it gives us to spend with our loved ones and time to specifically focus on our faith lives.
The final part of this post's title is the reason I get all teary-eyed when I look back through these pictures. My construction partner, fellow English teacher, and housemate Rachel left this week. We had a great last week - trips to the construction shop, a soccer game, the national reserve, and a going away party. Regardless, none of that made it easy to say see you later to her. Raquel, the carpenter shop won't be the same without ya but I'll do my best to take care of the crew. Tomorrow I leave for Xela to go back to Spanish school for another two weeks to brush up on grammar stuff and visit with my host family. Also my parents are coming on May 16th! Lots of exciting new adventures and stories to come :)
First thing’s first, the house project is DONE! Yes, you read that correctly, and yes, this is potentially the coolest thing I’ve ever gotten to help with. 3 months of constant laughter and countless scrapes and bruises. From tearing it down to building it up -- the house I have grown to love is finally finished! There are a few finishing touches to put on it and I hope to help with these within the next couple days but the construction part is done, and they can soon move into their beautiful, safe, clean home. I could not be prouder. (I also have mixed emotions about this being done…what the heck am I going to work on now??) More exciting news – I climbed a volcano! It kicked my butt and was as difficult as you can imagine but I survived! I have no idea how far it was but it took us about 5.5 hours to summit and 10 hours in total. All the long-term volunteers did it so there were 7 of us including out guide. We left at 4:30am, flashlights in hand, groggily trudging up the first part of the hike. As if hiking a volcano weren't enough, we actually were able to see Volcán Fuego erupt from where we were hiking (don't worry we weren't that close and it was only an eruption of smoke). Overall, the hike was hard and we were exhausted by the time we got to the top but boy oh boy was it worth it. The view was incredible, and although I’ll for sure never do it again, I’m really happy we did it. The picture on the left is a fortune I received a year ago. Apparently it still applies because I got into grad school! I’m not sure where I’m going yet because I’m waiting to hear back from UMKC and Portland State University. I’ve been accepted to University of New England (in Maine), University of Denver, and University of North Carolina in Charlotte. A lot of it will depend on financial aid packages and scholarships and what not, but I tried to pick places I want to explore and live in for the next couple years. So although I don’t know the exact location I’ll be at, I’ll be working toward my Master’s in Social Work. I'm really excited to be able to pursue this passion and for the adventures ahead! Last of my updates but certainly not least, Claire came to visit me! She spent her spring break shoveling cement, stuccoing walls and a stove, and experiencing Guatemalan culture. It was so fun to have her here and to be able to share with her my love of San Lucas. When we weren't working, we visited natural pools, ate sweets to our hearts' content (choco bananas, coconut bars, sno cones, ice cream, etc), and hung out with all the people that have helped make this place my home. Claire - here's your shoutout. Thanks for coming & I miss ya already!
Every day, Rachel and I walk the three fourths of a mile to Boni's house where we're greeted by the guys - depending on the day a combination of René, Jaime, Ramiro, José, Abraham, Marcos, Juan, & Manuel. Everyone takes on a task, no matter how insignificant a task may seem (eh hem, chipping at walls). Sometimes we play music, or chat, or the guys scare us with ghost stories. The best is when we try to teach each other different languages. Rachel and I tell them words in English, and in return, they teach us phrases in the Mayan tongue Kachiqel. I thought learning Kachiqel was for sure a lost cause until I realized how challenging even simple English words are at times. The other day, José asked Rachel and I what "ahmer mich" is. All we could do was continuously ask him to repeat it because we had no idea what he was talking about. After some charades and several attempts at descriptions, we realized he had looked up the word for welder in English. He was curious because he's been in charge of welding at the house, and he wanted to know how you would say it in English. I'm not sure how or why, but he found "hammersmith" as translation. Rachel and I didn't know what that was even in English (we're still wondering if it's an actual word or not). This is one of many miscommunications and hilarities of working in a bilingual setting. Something is always bound to be lost or confused in translation and it never ceases to make me laugh. Anyway, the reason I wanted to write this post about the house is because we just finished putting the roof on this past week. It looks incredible and I still can't believe I was such a big part of it. This house, in a sense, gave me a project to call my own. I look forward to work every day because it's familiar, I love the workers, and it's improved my confidence in my Spanish tremendously. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not fluent but I can hold a conversation without fear of messing up because the guys are going to give me a hard time whether I pronounce everything correctly or not. They're like brothers and family, I expect that of them at this point. In order to fully appreciate the house project, you have to understand the conditions Boni's family was living in prior to the new house. He lives in a flood zone at the foot of the mountain, so every rainy season they were at risk. They actually had built up their floor over the years in order to keep out the running water that flows in the street. This was successful for keeping water out, but they didn't raise the roof, and therefore it was impossible to stand in their house without hitting your head on the ceiling. In December, all of the long-term volunteers helped them move out their possessions into a different house they're currently renting. We rounded up chickens, ripped down the corroded metal roof, chopped down a tree, and removed the termite infested wooden home they had lived in for so many years. Luckily for Boni and his family, an American volunteer named Nicole met him awhile back. She fell in love, deciding he is just the bees knees and decided to fundraise to build him a new house. So low and behold, here we are - me with a new found love of construction and Boni with an almost-complete, beautiful new home. The house has 2 bedrooms and one front living space that they may make into another bedroom, plus a bathroom. They'll have a brand new wood burning stove and pila to wash their clothing. It's a really incredible project and gift for the 7 people who will be living there. So, without further ado, pictures of the house!
Why did this have to happen the week we have 7 groups including a doctors/dentist group, in total 115 people? That question reverberated in my head as I lay on the couch reveling in my own pity party. Meanwhile, people kept popping in to check on me, asking if I needed anything – food, water, a book, my purse, etc. At the time, I was so focused on my own frustration that I failed to recognize the incredible outpouring of love people were trying to give me. Sometimes I joke about how I have weak ankles and how they give out every now and then, and it’s really awkward when I fall for no reason. Unfortunately this joke turned into real life, and I rolled my ankle this past Monday. The first time I rolled it was my junior year at Rockhurst and, oh my, had I forgotten how badly it hurts. My initial reaction was to shout out a few choice words (which I refrained from, thank you very much) and then hop to the back room with an ice pack in hand. As I sat on the couch, the reality of what had just happened set in, and I realized I was no longer going to be very useful this week. I was pissed, for lack of a better expression. I was so upset that, first of all, I wouldn’t be able to go work on Boni’s house – a construction site I’d been at the past 3 weeks. Then I felt horrible that I wasn’t going to be helpful to Heather as she answered guests’ questions and got everything prepared for breakfast. Around lunchtime, I told myself – enough is enough. (You can only allow yourself so much wallowing in a day.) I started to reflect on the morning and realized the multitude of blessings I had received since my ever-so-ungraceful fall. Yes the day had been hectic and yes the Mission was short a volunteer, but it went on to be a successful day. Yet, my own stubbornness had held me back from accepting and embracing the love that people kept sending my way. I wanted to be helpful, not hurt. Strong, not vulnerable. I don’t know where this mentality originated from - the one that tells us we have to have everything together at all times. We shouldn't allow ourselves to be weak and we certainly don’t ask for help. This mentality is draining and the goal of complete independent perfection is simply unachievable. But most of all, it blinds us to the beauty of accepting help, accepting love, being human. We’re always hardest on ourselves, but sometimes you just have to cut yourself some slack and say I can't do it. And poco a poco - bit by bit, I'm learning that's okay. So here’s to learning to accept more love from others and learning to love ourselves - weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and all.
The title of this post comes from a song that I love - Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. This song, especially this line, has been incredibly true these past few weeks. I was home in St. Louis for Christmas and then came back to San Lucas with the feeling of being at home here as well. The only reason I feel so at home in both of these places is because of the people I am constantly surrounded with. My friends and family in St. Louis have known me the longest and I'm the most comfortable with them. The people I have become close with in San Lucas continuously challenge and support me as I learn to love a new culture and language. These are the people that make wherever I am a home. A couple days before I left for Christmas, we had a Christmas party up at the Women's Center. One of the general surgeons that had come down in October left $200 for us to spend on Christmas gifts and fun things for the poorest children in San Lucas. Katie mentioned that in the past they had a Christmas party and it was a huge hit with everyone. We heard that idea and took off with it. We spent a couple weeks planning out games, sorting through donations, and getting the word out to the poorest families in San Lucas and a few surrounding communities. The coordinator of the women's center Güicha made all of the food and the groundskeeper Santos was in charge of the games (such as the potato sack races featured in the picture to the left). I played soccer with a few of the girls and also helped hand out their little gifts at the end. It was a huge success and we had over 400 people come for games, food, and party favors. And judging by the picture on the left, I think the kids had a pretty good time too :) Below are a few pictures from my Christmas break. It was busy and full and so wonderful to be back for a bit. So all in all it's been a busy couple weeks but nothing major has happened. Just the day to day shuffling of groups, charades when I don't know Spanish translations, and enjoying the beautiful weather Guatemala has to offer. The final story I will leave you all with involves these 6 joyful kiddos in the picture above. Yesterday I was walking back to my house from a hike and these little minis were sitting outside our gate. They were giggling and staring at me so I asked them what they were doing. The boy on the far left explained to me that they were waiting for a taxi to take up to the mountain to pick coffee. Their ages ranged from 2 to 6. I couldn't believe it, waiting for a taxi like it was no big deal. They were hilarious; every time a taxi drove by, they'd all stand up and then their hands would fly up into the air before they realized the taxi already had people in it. When I showed them the first picture I took of them they wanted another. So when I stepped backward to take a second picture, the little girl on the far right started to fix her hair. She's only 4 so it was so funny to see her trying to comb her hair with her fingers. I was then laughing with them and asked her if her hair was ready. Well that really made them laugh and that's when I snapped this picture, right before the two little girls on the right fell over laughing. I hope this update finds you all well and in good spirits after the holidays. Here's a to a new year! paz.
|
Alexandra RoseTravel enthusiast. Lover of Yellowstone, coffee, and a good book. Passionately curious. Hopeful wanderer. Archives
August 2015
|