My freshman year at Rockhurst I found myself in an advanced composition class without a clue as to how I got there or what it would entail. While my classmates spun out long winded, beautifully crafted essays, I spent several nights with my papers cut up on the floor, visually rearranging paragraphs until I was satisfied.
At that point in time, I would've said that writing is probably not my medium. However, over time I'm finding myself writing more and loving it. Verbalizing, on the other hand, has definitely never been my strong suit. Yeah of course I can have powerful and meaningful conversations with people, but that doesn't mean it's super easy or never messy. For example, clearly explaining an opinion? Challenging. Telling someone about a travel experience? Nearly impossible. Directions? Forget about it. For this reason, I’m fairly quiet around people I’m not familiar with, and I prefer to listen rather than talk myself in circles. Writing at least allows me to give words to my scattered thoughts.
I’ve arrived at my one-month mark here in San Lucas. Thirty days left in this beautiful place with the people who have shared their lives with me as family, shown me more patience than one person should ever deserve, and allowed me to become a more vibrant version of myself. This experience, my 11 months here in Guatemala are indescribable. I’ll never be able to explain it and that’s the scariest part about knowing my departure date – there is not a doubt in my mind that when I get home, my words will once again fail me.
This is the very reason that I am so grateful that some of the closest people in my life have been able to know San Lucas. Jackie, Claire, my parents – they all took the leap of faith to board a plane to visit a country they didn’t know much about other than what I had told them. Their trips here may have been brief, but I’m so happy they each received a glimpse of my life here and hopefully experienced a little bit of the love that has made this place my home for the past 9 months. They may not know or understand my attachment to San Lucas fully, but they at least had a little taste of what this journey has been like.
My biggest fear of leaving is the adjustment I’ll have to make, the new balance I’ll have to find. A balance that involves continuing to keep up with my friends here without dwelling on the memories and making myself homesick for an experience I cannot return to. I will absolutely be back to San Lucas, but I won’t be coming back as a long-term volunteer. Going home closes this chapter of my life but my perspective has been transformed and my heart has been stretched in all different directions.
People always ask me if I’m happy that I took a gap year. There are few things that I am more certain about than when I reply with a definitive yes. I'm a different person than I was when I arrived in Guatemala as a non-spanish speaking, easy-going but quiet gringa. I feel empowered and independent. I've learned to love in different ways, messed up more Spanish sentences than I thought possible, and have gained confidence in my ability to carve a life and home for myself anywhere I go.
Leaving here will be so hard but the prospect of a new adventure and the excitement that comes with beginning a new chapter in my life are keeping me grounded and thankful. That being said, I'm delighted to announce that I’ll be taking my experiences and my grateful heart to Portland, Maine this August to pursue my Master's in Social Work at University of New England. I am incredibly lucky to have so much love and support in my life and I look forward to spreading this love and support to everyone I meet in my career as a social worker. Knowing that one adventure is ending is made a little easier with the knowledge of the adventure yet to come. Wish me luck and if you're ever looking for some good seafood/a beautiful bike ride, come pay me a visit in Maine!
Here’s to transformative experiences – may they leave us with grateful hearts & a better understanding of our purpose here in this beautiful world.